Lactated Ringer's and Fear (aka 8.6 weeks)

Let's talk about HG for a few minutes. Hyperemesis gravidarum. I had bad morning sickness before. I puked a lot. I lost enough weight with the twins to qualify for an HG diagnosis, but never officially got one. This time, it's so much worse.

HG is vomiting up everything you eat, no matter how small.
HG is nausea that only gets better when you're asleep.
HG is being scared of eating, because you know how it will taste when it comes back again.
HG is vomiting when you move, when you talk, when you try to sit at a computer.
HG is hearing how other women with HG will sometimes reach a point that's so bad that they'll consider terminating, and after five weeks of puking, beginning to understand. (Note: I will do anything for these babies, including all this puking, so it's not something I'd do, but my sanctimony has definitely been replaced by empathy.)
HG is being horrified when someone initially suggests MMJ, and then being a bit sad it's not legal in your state, because you're that desperate.
HG is when you get down 600 calories on a good day and nearly all of them stay down.
HG is when you're tethered to an IV pole with fluids 8 hours a day, and that's ok.
HG is hell.

Being pregnant makes the hell worthwhile.

Here's my new best friends: my IV pole and my setting up your infusion place mat. (Brilliant, really.)

My doctor set me up with home IV fluids on Thursday, so I now have IV access and give myself 1-2 bags of lactated ringer's solution each day. That's actually been enough to knock down most of the vomiting, although not all of it. I rarely have ketones in my urine now. That's progress.

Of course, the fear is here, too. It looms larger than the vomiting at times. What if the vomiting isn't so bad because I've lost the babies and the fluids have nothing to do with it? Why is my stomach back to flat? Why am I not seeing a bump at nearly 9 weeks with twins? Why did my ever-constant nightmares vanish? Why is this so bloody hard?

Last ultrasound was at 7.2, and both babies still had heartbeats, although B's was lower than I'd have liked at 125. Both were perfectly on-track, size wise.

Next ultrsaound on Wednesday at 9 w 1 d. Praying for two good heartbeats, two on-target babies. If we see them, then we'll go back to MFM at 10.3 for another ultrasound and NIPT blood draw. There's a story behind that, but I"m too sick at this point to stay upright any longer. Sending love to all.