New Year's Day will be viability for these babies. It's so hard to know how to handle things between now and then. What do I mean by that? Well, do we live life like we're going to get to parent them, or not? For example, the cribs I want are on sale now. Do I buy them, or do I wait and pay full price next year? Do I pull the trigger on a substantial basement renovation, knowing that some changes only make sense if the babies are born healthy? We did a minor reno in 2016 to update a bathroom for Alexis and Zoe. We all know how that ended.
That's the practical. Let's talk about the emotional. Do I get excited that I'm going to get to parent a daughter and a son? Do I *believe* that we'll bring babies home? That is, in my heart of hearts, do I think these are babies I will get to know? I love them, I'm excited about their possible arrival. That said, I feel a caution that tells me I don't yet believe on a deep emotional level. That's not a conscious decision on my part, it's just happening and I'm not pressuring myself one way or the other.
I wish this was easier. I wish I knew what expect. Alternately, I wish I had the naive certainty I did when pregnant in 2016. DH actually signed that reno contract while I was in the hospital the day after my water broke. But we scoped down the work to only do what made sense whether or not we got to parent. Now . . . . no naive certainty and no option to scale down unless we delay to the point that I'd be coming home from the hospital with no place for babies or adults to sleep!
I suppose that gives me my answer: I won't pressure myself. We'll sign the contract on the reno, because the 20 year old carpet, mystery telephone booth (yes, our basement has a built in phone booth and no, it's not really a TARDIS), and 40 year old bathroom all could stand to be replaced or removed no matter what. I'll respect DH, who doesn't want to buy anything until 2019. I won't pressure him into other purchases that wouldn't be needed if things go poorly. Hopefully the end result will be two satisfied adults and two healthy babies. Either way, our basement's going to look damn snazzy.
Not pressuring yourself and DH sounds like the right way to go.
ReplyDeleteI was always worried through my pregnancy and I didn't buy any baby things until I was at a few weeks after viability.
I think you and DH have a solid plan in place. That said, I can completely relate with what you’re feeling. It’s hard to prepare when you know first hand all that can happen and that nothing is certain. You don’t get to undo that knowledge. It was because of this that we didn’t actually buy cribs until Maddy and Teddy were one day out from being released from NICU (they slept in pack-N-plays for a couple of weeks) and most purchased cake after they were already home. The things we did have weren’t purchased until after viability and even then it was limited.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is do what your heart can handle. If anyone pushes you, feel free to leave the room or tell them where to shove their viewpoints. The holidays are hard enough and you guys need to do what is best for you, even if others don’t understand or argue sales (trust me, there’s always another sale).
Thinking of you as you navigate the next few weeks. May 2019 arrive soon.