Baby Book: 8 Months

Somehow I missed 7 months, because life has just been too busy. I love every minute with these guys (with the possible exception of the last half hour before bath time at night!). Here's observations 2 days shy of 8 months actual, 6 adjusted.

• A's first tooth has come in, just before the 8 month mark.
• He can pass toys between hands, but doesn't often do so.
• He can now roll all the way over, although he still forgets sometimes and is unhappy to be stuck on his tummy!
• A is able to support his own body weight while standing up, if you help him balance. 
• He has the greatest grin, and the happiest I've ever seen him was when DH asked him to 'help' fold laundry and piled clean socks on top of him. He giggled and squirmed and gnawed on the socks and the memory of that simple activity will bring me joy for a long time. 
• He's the more laid back, happy baby, although his 'I'm unhappy whine' and 'Saddest Baby in the World' face continue to make themselves known. 
• He's gone from sleeping 10.5-11.5 hours to sleeping 9.5. 
• He'll eat bananas, but he makes a face that clearly says "WTF did you just put in my mouth? Could I have a burp cloth instead, please?"
• Here's A, plotting his next move.

• T remains our curious one.
• T has figured out how to pass toys between both hands, how to hold different toys in different hands, and how to use her hands (and feet) to grab objects that want to move away from her, like balloons.
• T figured out how to roll all the way over the same day her brother did.
• She will routinely roll to her side just enough to grab a toy, then go back to her back to play. She likes to 'sit up' in your lap and observe the world.
• T still loves being in the carrier, and especially loves going for walks in it. Her little head bobs back and forth from side to side as she tries to take in everything. 
• T's smile is coming out more and more. If she's in the right mood, you can make her giggle by blowing raspberries at her, and she'll almost always blow them back.
• T really enjoys bananas and likes to feed herself with the spoon. She's great at that. 
• T figured out the jumper and there is no place on earth that makes her happier. She'll jump for as long as you'll leave her in it. Now her reach is better, she can also press the button and 'play' music in the jumper. It can't be real understanding, but if you ask her to play music for you, she'll push the button. 
• Here's T, in her jumper.

More?

In August DH got a referral for the big V. He asked me if there was any reason to bank sperm before the surgery, since that ship will have sailed afterward. I know what my answer should be, but I hesitated.

If I was to wake up today and see two lines on a pregnancy test, I'd be happy. So my question to myself is: why?

I *think* it's because actually being a mom has been awesome. Because I'm so enjoying all of the 'firsts' that we're having with these babies, and I'm sad that they'll be our only firsts. Because I'm sad I've already hit some 'lasts:' the last nap snuggle with A on the sofa, the last time breastfeeding, the last time sitting with T on my legs after a bottle hearing her 'talk' happily to me. I loved two of those things.

Two lines would mean an in-pregnancy TAC, though. It would mean risking loss and the NICU again. It would mean risking the physical hell I went through after my c-section again. It would mean that I'd go from feeling like I can never quite give enough attention to each child because the other needs me to feeling like there's no way in h*ll I can give everyone the attention I'd like to give! It would probably mean an extra 4+ years of work to offset childcare and college costs.

Let's get real here, too. After my second post c-section hysteroscopy, my uterus was filled with scar tissue. The ultrasound images were so bad that I could see all the scarring. I'll be 40 in not that many days. I won't go through treatments again, because I won't risk twins again or spend that kind of money. So two lines would mean a genuine miracle, which I gave up on when Quinn arrived four days short of minimum viability.

Writing all of this down, my head knows what the right decision for our family is, and that decision doesn't involve banking anything. My heart is still hesitating. I told DH I was hesitating. I told him why I was hesitating.

Turns out, he's hesitating too, for the same reasons.

I'm not sure where we go from here. Maybe NTNP once my period returns. I hear rumors that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. I'll probably just wind up with more early losses, but so long as the hesitation remains, I guess I'm willing to take that risk. We'll see where DH falls when the time comes.

______________________
I typed this post up, then life got in the way and I wasn't able to post it for several weeks. And in that time, something has changed that's leaving me spinning. My corporate 2020 benefits came out. And my employer is now offering infertility coverage, that, according to the brochure, would allow me to go straight to IVF. AND, for the first time in 2020, my clinic is covered!

I don't know the dollar limits, but if IVF was covered, we wouldn't have to risk twins again. And if it was covered, there wouldn't be the same financial pressure. There are my two objections to more treatments, gone.

I feel like this might change everything. Or the limits might be so low it would change nothing. Or I might be too old for my clinic now. Or, or, or, or. . .   Did I mention I'm spinning? So much to consider and discuss with DH.