Today you should turn four. Would you believe that I still miss you as much today as I did on your last three birthdays? That I still tell you both that I love you, every night right before I fall asleep? I do.
It's funny to me that despite having friends with four year olds, and despite getting to know your little brother and sister, I still can't imagine what you'd be like. I think that's because I want to know you as who you are, not who I hoped you might be. Since I never got an opportunity to learn who you are, there's a blank spot there. It's not a bad blank spot, but a brilliant, shining, sparkling one. It's almost like the aura that's left behind after staring at a bright object. You can no longer see the object, but the aura remains.
You may not be here with me, but I believe that you are both brilliant. I believe you are both amazing. I believe that no one is as lucky as me, because I'm the one who got to be your mom.
I miss you, Alexis and Zoe. I love you, my beautiful girls. Happy Birthday.
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