So Many Thanks

I feel like there are so many things I need to say about what’s happened in the last few weeks and months, but I’m not sure I have the words to say any of them. Let me start with a few things that are top of mind, and that’s thanks to our amazing families and to the incredible staff at Fairview Southdale hospital.

My mom came out to visit around 16 weeks and did an amazing job getting the nurseries ready for the girls. I was still feeling pretty awful, but mom took care of the painting and the yard. Had things ended the way they should, our girls would have had beautiful rooms thanks to my mom’s help.

When Zoe’s water broke at 17 weeks, my MIL flew out and was there by 9 that night. My dad  and step mom were there by 6 the next morning. I would not have made it through the last two weeks without their help and love. They took care of everything for me when I was stuck on bedrest and half out of my mind with pain. They also stayed with us when I went into labor. My Dad and MIL drove DH and I to the hospital when I was sure Alexis’ water had broken, and they stayed all night in the hallway and waiting room until Alexis was born, and then continued to stay until close to midnight that day after Zoe was born and I was out of surgery and conscious again. They kept us fed and clean and kept us company when being alone would have been too hard. I will never have the words to thank then enough.

I also need to recognize the amazing staff at Fairview Southdale hospital in Edina. From the first night there when Zoe’s water broke through labor, two rounds of surgery, and a multi-day stay, every single nurse and doctor we interacted with was compassionate, attentive and understanding. When my OB was called away to deal with another emergency as I delivered Zoe and started hemorrhaging, the anesthesiologist (who has the exact same name as my dad) stepped in with no hesitation and in all likelihood saved my life. I will be forever grateful to the team there for their care and compassion.

There are quite a few more thank yous needed for friends and colleagues who kept us in their prayers, but I’ll save that for another day. For now, I am so grateful for the wonderful people who did everything possible to make the worst possible situation as ok as possible. 

Zoe Grace and Alexis Marie

I am someone’s mommy.

At 12 weeks, we had the CVS done that showed we were pregnant with two healthy girls. I spent the next five weeks in a state of joy, despite the horrible morning sickness and constantly feeling terrible. We shared with family and friends and we waited excitedly for March when we’d get to meet our girls.

Their names were Zoe Grace and Alexis Marie.

At 17 weeks exactly, Zoe’s water broke. The three of us held on together for one more week on home bedrest, in the worst agony of my life due to other complications. At 18 weeks, Alexis’s water broke as well and I went into labor.

Alexis Marie was born a few minutes before 8 am on November 7. DH and I got to hold her and tell her how much we loved her. Those minutes will always be some of the most important of my life. She was so beautiful and perfect and tiny.

When I had not delivered Zoe nearly 8 hours later, I was moved from Pitocin to cytotec. I started having convulsions, and was not entirely conscious when Zoe was born around 5 pm. I know DH held her up to me so I could say goodbye, but I have no memory of that. He tells me she was perfect, too. I believe him.

I started hemorrhaging after delivery and was taken to the OR for two rounds of emergency surgery. I lost about half of my blood volume, but the doctors were able to stabilize me and save my uterus.

Zoe Grace was 8 inches long and 6 ounces. Alexis Marie was 8 inches and 5.5 ounces. I love them both more than I thought possible and miss them more than I can say.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that these were my girls, I am their mommy, and I will always love them.