DH and I relocated to Minnesota four years ago. We love it here, but it's hard to make friends. Heck, it's always hard to make friends as an adult, but here in Minnesota, it's so hard there are even books on the topic of "Minnesota nice" - this concept that Minnesotans are super polite, but already have well established social networks and have no interest in making new friends. I've found that painfully true.
DH and I are both into bicycling. I've missed the last few seasons for medical reasons, but DH has kept up. I was really excited when he suggested we get together with a cycling buddy of his and the buddy's wife. Dinner was suggested and I was asked for a restaurant recommendation. There's a place DH and I enjoy, called Red Cow, so I suggested that. Turns out the other couple really like that place, too. Total win, dinner planned for yesterday.
Minutes before we're to walk out the door, I realize something. Exactly a year before, I was 16w6d pregnant with the twins and my mom was here visiting. We went out to Red Cow with her that afternoon. I got sick that night, something that seemed like mild food poisoning. The next morning my water broke around 7 am.
Why the hell did I have to pick Red Cow? Why didn't I remember what day it was until that moment? Why couldn't I have forgotten that detail? Zen: shattered. Roller coaster: on the downswing.
Yeah, the “Minnesota nice.” I grew up there and am very familiar. I have the opposite problem now being on the East Coast. The only suggestion I have is being friendly with people, but recognizing that you need to form relationships slowly. People will warm up, but it takes time given boundaries are so prized.
ReplyDeleteNow the other part. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Yes, this restaurant has memories attached to it, but keeping a mental list is far too difficult. You made your decision based on preferences. That said, I’m so sorry it triggered memories of your losing your daughters. And I’m sorry that something so seemingly benign as going to a favorite restaurant is now a source of pain. It’s far from fair.