Documenting life and offering snark after overcoming diminished ovarian reserve, recurrent pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal loss, and cervical insufficiency.
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Friday, January 5, 2018
BFNQNE
It's been a long week.
Tests turned to negative at home, and I chalked it up to either a chemical or just the trigger. Reached out to the nurse on Wed to see if I should stay on Estrace and was told to stop and come in for a regroup appointment before cycling again. That would have been nice to know earlier than the day my period was expected. So, regroup scheduled for today. Hit CD1 yesterday.
Talked to the doctor today and agreed on a plan. Did a baseline ultrasound, which showed an 18mm cyst on my left ovary. Ran bloodwork to see if the cyst was estrogen producing, meaning we couldn't cycle, or not, meaning we could.
The cyst isn't estrogen producing.
But my hcg is 1.1. The clinic won't let me cycle unless it's under 0.5. In other words, I did have my third chemical pregnancy, and now I've got a Big Fat Not Quite Negative Enough (BFNQNE).
On one hand, it's nice to know I wasn't going crazy with symptoms and lines. On the other hand, having to push out a month because of a miscarriage is brutal.
Sorry, little embryo, that I didn't make a better home for you.
I am so sorry. That just plain sucks -- cycling around the holidays is always tough, but then to have a BFNQNE and deal with another layer of loss and frustration that you can't move on because something did happen, at least a little, last time...awful. I'm thinking of you and hoping that your HCG resolves and you don't go crazy during your not-your-choice break. I sucked at breaks when we were in treatment. Be kind to yourself. Easier said than done, but try.
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