More Losses

2018's not off to the greatest start.

Thanks to the surgery, or to the complications following it, I've lost some weight. I am still below the weight I was back when I first started caring about weight in high school. I'm not into an unhealthy BMI yet, so I'm not worried, but it means that things don't fit. More than half of my suits are way too big. That's fine, I can manage a smaller wardrobe for a while. Let's get real - I like food WAY too much for this weight loss to be permanent.

My wedding rings have also gotten too big. I'm sure it's one part weight and one part the cold, dry winter. I don't want to have them re-sized, since I'm certain I'll be back to my normal before too long, and I don't want them to be too small. And that seemed fine, until last Friday night when I got home from work just after 7:00 and realized they weren't on my hand any longer.

You know, they're "just" material objects. They're insured. The man who gave them to me is still the most important part of my life. Losing them shouldn't be the end of the world. And yet, after losing so damn much in the last two years, after losing things that I couldn't protect, that I couldn't expect to always be there, losing this tangible symbol of my marriage and the last 14 years of my life was a huge blow. They were physical objects, I could count on them not to die. I could count on them to always be there. Until they weren't.

And it's my own damn fault because I kept wearing them, even knowing they were too loose.

That's not the only loss so far this year. I've mentioned the B&B we were at when first pregnant with the twins. We went there to scatter some of their ashes last summer, while I was still pregnant with Quinn. I went on-line to see about reservations to return for scattering Quinn's ashes this summer. They're closed. Permanently. Well, to be fair, there's a number you can call if you want to buy a B&B, but I doubt they're getting a lot of takers.

The current owners just bought the place two years ago. It had been run as a B&B for decades before that. When we left last year, I confirmed that they'd be open this year, as I wanted to bring Quinn back for her first BWCA trip. The owners were due to have a grandchild at the same time I was due with Quinn, so perhaps they decided to close shop and move closer. Whatever the reason, it's another loss. We have the GPS coordinates for the point where we scattered Alexis and Zoe's ashes, so we can get a canoe and get there without the B&B, but it's just one more bit of sadness.

All my coworkers are discussing how utterly tragic it will be if the Vikings lose their playoff tomorrow. It is taking ever more effort not to remind them how lucky they are if that's the worst, most tragic loss they have.