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One of my stress-relief activities is to read various online forums. I stick mostly to forums related to infertility/loss and those related to finances. What can I say - you'll need the finances to afford the fertility treatments!
Anyhow, on one of the finance forums, a poster has recently been told she'll have trouble TTC. Initial lab results came up with borderline low AMH, although her AFC is great. She is, understandably, freaking out and only focusing on the bad news. As a result, she seems to be having a really hard emotional time. She's only at the start of the IF process and her self-report anxiety is through the roof.
My heart hurts for her reading her words. I want to reach out and tell her: In the IF world, sometimes you're going to get really crappy news, and eventually you'll find out that it was total bullshit. And sometimes you're going to get really good news, and eventually you'll find out that that was total bullshit, too. That's the nature of the IF beast - sometimes, what seems to be bad isn't and what seems to be good isn't, and you'll never know for sure when you first learn it. Try to give yourself some processing time, time to learn that the terrible isn't actually entirely terrible. Try to give yourself the grace to focus on the good stuff while you can. Try to find ways to care for yourself, because it can be a long road, and I'm certain it feels even longer if you travel all of it in a state of high anxiety. Try not to lose sight of hoping for the best while preparing for the worst.
I want to tell her that, but I won't, for two reasons. First, that's the sort of advice that nobody wants until they're ready to hear it, and she's not ready. Second, I think it's pretty good advice, but I've yet to master doing it myself, so suggesting it to others is pretty hypocritical. So, here's to me, and her, and all of us giving ourselves the grace to focus on the good stuff while we can.
I know someone who is just at the beginning of it all and it’s hard to not talk a million things that represent my experiences and not hers... I feel like saving her from the ups and downs ... but it’s totally not my space to do that. She has to endure her own experiences and write her own story. It’s so hard not to crush her good news or minimize the bad.
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