I spent quite some time trying to come up with an appropriate title for this post. A few I tried on:
You've Got To Be Kidding Me
Really, Uterus?
Again!?!
Motherf*cker!!
That last one still feels the most appropriate.
Today was the repeat endometrial biopsy and FemVue. The FemVue's goal was to check my tubes and make sure nothing was left in my uterus. Tubes looked great. Uterus? Not so much. Don't know if it's placenta or adhesions, but up near the fundus something remains. It was obvious enough I could pick it out on ultrasound, and I suck at reading u/s.
I'm not surprised - my period has been unusual, and there was fluid in my uterus before they started the FemVue, which didn't bode well. Alas, this means another operative hysteroscopy. If it means another week with a stent . . . if it means another week with a stent I'm thinking very hard about canceling the surgery and giving up. Because a uterine catheter is hell. Just hell. No better description. Surgery is booked for Friday, and if I think too long about it, I'll back out because I'm just not up for that hell again.
So I won't think about it, I'll just do it.
Oh, and for the record, today's biopsy hurt a lot more than last month's. The FemVue didn't hurt at all during, but I still have odd abdominal tenderness afterward. Fun times.
Showing posts with label FemVue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FemVue. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Filed Under the Category Of:
Really good news: The stent is out! For at least a few weeks, I have my body back to some state resembling normalcy.
Helpful news: My perinatologist was able to find an in-network OB to do a FemVue, so I won't have to pay my RE entirely out of pocket to check tubal patency. That's a huge relief.
Upcoming news: I have the infectious disease appointment on the 2nd and the FemVue on the 4. Depending on what ID says, I'll probably also have another biopsy on the 3rd. Oh boy!
Emotional news: I know, logically, that grief isn't linear. That said, it's still really rough when I'm doing ok for a few days and then suddenly have a day where I'm not doing ok. I'm grateful that I'm now having more good days than bad ones, but I still have moments where missing the girls just takes my breath away. I'm still sleeping with Quinn's blanket on our bed. We had hoped that it would soothe her some day, but instead holding it is the one thing that helps me relax when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop thinking about them. I guess 37 isn't too old for a "blankey"?
Helpful news: My perinatologist was able to find an in-network OB to do a FemVue, so I won't have to pay my RE entirely out of pocket to check tubal patency. That's a huge relief.
Upcoming news: I have the infectious disease appointment on the 2nd and the FemVue on the 4. Depending on what ID says, I'll probably also have another biopsy on the 3rd. Oh boy!
Emotional news: I know, logically, that grief isn't linear. That said, it's still really rough when I'm doing ok for a few days and then suddenly have a day where I'm not doing ok. I'm grateful that I'm now having more good days than bad ones, but I still have moments where missing the girls just takes my breath away. I'm still sleeping with Quinn's blanket on our bed. We had hoped that it would soothe her some day, but instead holding it is the one thing that helps me relax when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't stop thinking about them. I guess 37 isn't too old for a "blankey"?
Saturday, February 11, 2017
All Clear!
Yesterday was the saline sonogram and FemVue procedure, used to test tubal patency. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I wouldn't proceed unless my tubes were open, so the FemVue was necessary.
During the HSG I had done to check tubal patency last June, only one open tube was visible. It also showed that my uterus was almost fully blocked. I got very sick afterward. As a result of all that, we suspected that the images of my uterus were bogus, but there wasn't necessarily a reason to suspect that the blocked tube was false. Thus, I wasn't expecting good news on Friday.
Expecting it or not, good news is what I got! Both tubes are clear, and my uterus shows no signs of scar tissue. My RE spent a long time checking out my uterus via saline ultrasound. One of the absolute best sonographers was at the helm, so I know I was in good hands. They wound up pushing saline at least four times to get all the images they needed, and while that wasn't comfortable, it wasn't anything compared to what I've been through in the last few months.
Once everyone was happy with my uterus, and by happy, I mean that the words "that doesn't look too bad" were uttered, it was time for the bubbles. That triggered a tiny bit more cramping, but it was NOTHING compared to the HSG. Honestly, it wasn't any worse than the SIS itself. Best of all, everyone could clearly see the bubbles coming out the end of both of my tubes!
We ended by taking a look at my ovaries, which my RE said were looking great. Given my 0.4 AMH, I consider that high praise. Overall report was that everything looked good. My RE was surprised by how good it looked, as was I. I am doing 5 days of doxycycline now, and then we start my next treatment cycle on CD1!
I feel hope for the first time in months. But that's actually tough, because I feel like I'm being disloyal to Zoe and Alexis for feeling hope. As if I'm devaluing them by wanting to try again. I know I"m not. I know I will always love my girls. I know that no other babies that might exist will take their places, but it's still hard.
So, here is to my beautiful girls, who will always be my first babies. And here's to hope and a glimmer of possibility that someday the vacant nursery downstairs will be filled and the wonderful quilt my mom made will become the favorite lovey of a tiny person.
During the HSG I had done to check tubal patency last June, only one open tube was visible. It also showed that my uterus was almost fully blocked. I got very sick afterward. As a result of all that, we suspected that the images of my uterus were bogus, but there wasn't necessarily a reason to suspect that the blocked tube was false. Thus, I wasn't expecting good news on Friday.
Expecting it or not, good news is what I got! Both tubes are clear, and my uterus shows no signs of scar tissue. My RE spent a long time checking out my uterus via saline ultrasound. One of the absolute best sonographers was at the helm, so I know I was in good hands. They wound up pushing saline at least four times to get all the images they needed, and while that wasn't comfortable, it wasn't anything compared to what I've been through in the last few months.
Once everyone was happy with my uterus, and by happy, I mean that the words "that doesn't look too bad" were uttered, it was time for the bubbles. That triggered a tiny bit more cramping, but it was NOTHING compared to the HSG. Honestly, it wasn't any worse than the SIS itself. Best of all, everyone could clearly see the bubbles coming out the end of both of my tubes!
We ended by taking a look at my ovaries, which my RE said were looking great. Given my 0.4 AMH, I consider that high praise. Overall report was that everything looked good. My RE was surprised by how good it looked, as was I. I am doing 5 days of doxycycline now, and then we start my next treatment cycle on CD1!
I feel hope for the first time in months. But that's actually tough, because I feel like I'm being disloyal to Zoe and Alexis for feeling hope. As if I'm devaluing them by wanting to try again. I know I"m not. I know I will always love my girls. I know that no other babies that might exist will take their places, but it's still hard.
So, here is to my beautiful girls, who will always be my first babies. And here's to hope and a glimmer of possibility that someday the vacant nursery downstairs will be filled and the wonderful quilt my mom made will become the favorite lovey of a tiny person.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Tiny Bubbles
I am cramping and bleeding!!!
You might wonder why that statement merits multiple exclamation points, but it's simple: I'm getting a period. That means that surgery seems to have made things better. With the Asherman's, my last pre-surgery period bordered on non-existent. That's because the scar tissue prevented an endometrial lining from forming. No lining = light period. No lining also equals nowhere for an embryo to implant. So evidence that my lining is restored is a big, happy deal.
This leads us to the next hurdle: tubal patency. In light of the infection I had in November, my cadre of medical professionals and I are all concerned about the condition of my tubes. If they're blocked, then I'm faced with the choice of IVF or the end of the road.
So it's time to test my tubes. But herein lies yet another problem: my last HSG went catastrophically wrong. It showed only one open tube and almost no uterus. Further, within hours afterward, I was swollen and in so much abdominal pain that I couldn't stand upright. My RE and I both suspect that the image was invalid because my body reacted badly to the HSG/contrast. All of this means that another HSG is off the table.
My OB mentioned a product called FemVue. FemVue's website, in addition to having a bunch of dumb looking women on it (actually, they look like smart women who have been told to look stupid for photos), will tell you that it uses bubbles and ultrasound to test tubal patency. There was one problem, though: my OB has never used it. She suggested I contact my RE to get her thoughts on testing my tubes. If my RE didn't have ideas, my awesome OB would learn how to use FemVue, and we'd proceed down that path.
So I talked to my RE's office. I had to make another appointment to talk to my RE, which sucks given my lack of insurance coverage, but falls under the heading of 'it is what it is'. The awesome news was that she's not only familiar with FemVue, but did research on it back in med school. I will be in very good hands with her. The less awesome news? Per my RE, her research findings were that women reported FemVue to be more painful than traditional HSG.
The end result is that I go in next Friday to see if bubbles can shed light on the status of my tubes. One more week and we'll know if there's a path forward or not. I'm scared. I'm not sure how much more bad news I can handle, but better to know than not, right?
You might wonder why that statement merits multiple exclamation points, but it's simple: I'm getting a period. That means that surgery seems to have made things better. With the Asherman's, my last pre-surgery period bordered on non-existent. That's because the scar tissue prevented an endometrial lining from forming. No lining = light period. No lining also equals nowhere for an embryo to implant. So evidence that my lining is restored is a big, happy deal.
This leads us to the next hurdle: tubal patency. In light of the infection I had in November, my cadre of medical professionals and I are all concerned about the condition of my tubes. If they're blocked, then I'm faced with the choice of IVF or the end of the road.
So it's time to test my tubes. But herein lies yet another problem: my last HSG went catastrophically wrong. It showed only one open tube and almost no uterus. Further, within hours afterward, I was swollen and in so much abdominal pain that I couldn't stand upright. My RE and I both suspect that the image was invalid because my body reacted badly to the HSG/contrast. All of this means that another HSG is off the table.
My OB mentioned a product called FemVue. FemVue's website, in addition to having a bunch of dumb looking women on it (actually, they look like smart women who have been told to look stupid for photos), will tell you that it uses bubbles and ultrasound to test tubal patency. There was one problem, though: my OB has never used it. She suggested I contact my RE to get her thoughts on testing my tubes. If my RE didn't have ideas, my awesome OB would learn how to use FemVue, and we'd proceed down that path.
So I talked to my RE's office. I had to make another appointment to talk to my RE, which sucks given my lack of insurance coverage, but falls under the heading of 'it is what it is'. The awesome news was that she's not only familiar with FemVue, but did research on it back in med school. I will be in very good hands with her. The less awesome news? Per my RE, her research findings were that women reported FemVue to be more painful than traditional HSG.
The end result is that I go in next Friday to see if bubbles can shed light on the status of my tubes. One more week and we'll know if there's a path forward or not. I'm scared. I'm not sure how much more bad news I can handle, but better to know than not, right?
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