I should be five weeks exactly today. It was right around now that my first pregnancy stopped developing, although I didn't know it for another five weeks.
All my symptoms vanished yesterday. The bloat's gone. The indigestion is gone. My boobs are still sore, but not as bad. There is absolutely no mild nausea any longer. Even my racing heart rate has slowed down.
How utterly fucked up is it that I'm sitting here hoping for a serious case of morning sickness? I mean, really, who wants nausea and puking? Who wants to feel terrible? Women who've had losses and would do anything to know, on a daily basis, that their pregnancy is still progressing, that's who. And I fall into that group.
Thus, I sit here, desperately hoping for the best, but expecting to see another loss when I go in for my first ultrasound on the 16th. Expecting to hear, again, that there's no heartbeat. Our tenth wedding anniversary is on the 13th. We're going away for a long weekend to celebrate. How do I celebrate now?
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