Too Tired for a Creative Title

Let's start with the amazing: the babies. They are absolutely incredible and my heart really overflows with love when I spend time with them. I truly could not be happier. They are all the challenge you would expect newborn twins to be, but I'm so, so happy to have the chance to experience that challenge.

Here's a photo from last weekend - how could I possibly not be crazy about these two?

Then there's the awful: my physical recovery. My c-section scar is great. My uterus, not so much. Had another operative hysteroscopy last week to clear out a lot of retained placenta. Pathology came back showing infection. My OB was amazed I'm not ragingly ill.

All of that is still better than my lower GI. Ulcers. Fissures. Prolapse. Hemorrhoids. Matters are still so bad, 12 weeks out, that my colo-rectal surgeon wants me to wait another 6 weeks before we even do the EXAM to see what surgery will have to entail. Colonoscopy and surgery will follow said exam. I am terrified of the recovery from that, as I'm still in intense pain on a daily basis and I know it will be unbearable after surgery, like it was for the first 2-3 weeks post c-section. I so badly want to be done with surgery and to be able to enjoy my parental leave time, but that's not going to happen.

I am grateful for every moment with these two, but I'm struggling with some of the emotions that parenting after loss entails. Things i didn't anticipate and will try to put words to later.

One that note, it's time to go deal with a fussy baby. I couldn't be happier to do so!