Going into this pregnancy, I knew that I really wanted to try to breastfeed. Every woman I personally know who has breastfed says it's incredibly hard and quite painful, especially at first. Most of them also say it's rewarding if you can make it through. Plenty of women on the internet seem to claim that pain is a sign 'you're doing it wrong', but I call B.S. on that!
So, we gave it a shot.
Due to their prematurity, the babies couldn't breastfeed, even attempt it, until about 33 weeks, so I pumped at first. At around 33.5 weeks, T started showing signs of cuing, so we tried breastfeeding. I was still in intense pain from my digestive system, especially when sitting upright, which complicated matters.
At the recommendation of the lactation consultant, I used a nipple shield. The process to breastfeed was awful. First a nurse would weigh the baby. I'd grit my teeth against the pain and sit upright. Using both hands, I'd place the nipple shield to draw my inverted nipples into it, then hand express milk into it. Once I was ready, I'd be passed the baby with all their monitoring wires attached. At that point, I'd try to get them to latch. T would latch then scream, twist her head back and forth, and tear the shield off my breast. That would send the expressed milk spilling down my front/bra, and I'd have to replace the shield and hand express more milk one handed, while holding her with the other. Not easy. Eventually she'd start sucking, but always after chomping down on my nipples at least once. Who knew gums could hurt so much? A would latch, then lay there looking up at me and never suck.
Those internet women who say breastfeeding shouldn't be painful? They often say you need the baby to have a wide latch. "Get the areola fully in the baby's mouth." Yeah, right. You try managing that while trying to hold on a nipple shield and working with a preemie whose mouth is the size of a dime!
Once we'd spent 15-20 minutes at this, the nurse would take her back and re-weigh her. One of the most crushing moments of our entire 8 week hospital stay was when they took her back, by which point I was shaking with pain from sitting upright, and told me she'd LOST a gram. Let me tell you, it's brutal to do something that hurts so badly, feel like you're torturing your child the entire time due to the screaming, and then find out you accomplished worse than nothing!
Over the course of 8 weeks, the best we ever transferred was 27 mls, which was half of the needed amount at the time. Since I needed to empty my breasts to keep building my supply, that meant I still needed to pump. Given my pain level from sitting up, eventually I started to prioritize pumping over attempting to breastfeed.
Pumping has been nearly as tough, although I can happily report that my pump doesn't ever scream at me when I put it to breast! My supply has hovered at 50-66% of what the babies need, despite everything I've tried to increase it. I power pumped for days on end. I tried pumping every 2 hours around the clock for 4 straight days. I tried drinking more, sleeping more, sleeping less. Hell, I even tried coconut water! No increase. I suspect this is partially due to all the retained placenta I had, but the surgery to remove it hasn't done much to increase my supply, so who knows?
I also have a great deal of nipple pain. Unless I'm in a hot shower or under a heating pad, my nipples constantly feel like they're being stabbed by needles. They often turn white or purple. My OB suspects that this is due to my Raynaud's syndrome, which apparently impacts breast tissue and not just hands and feet. WTF, body? Can you do nothing helpful? Apparently the answer is no.
I have a goal of 6 months of pumping. We all know I'm stubborn, so we'll see if I make it or not.
I've been following your story for awhile here and on bbc. I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that pumping is still breastfeeding. In fact, it's harder than nursing, but easier than the devil's trifecta of nursing, pumping, and feeding.
ReplyDeleteThere's a great board on bbc, The exclusive pumpers!, that can help you with your pumping journey. They have excellent tips, support, and advice. I can also answer any questions you may have about pumping. Most lactation consultants give bad pumping advice. You want to pump 8 times a day for at least 30 minutes double pumping each session. That's 30 minutes each breast, not 15 each side.
Anyway, feel free to email with questions. I pumped for all 4 of my kids, 2 golden boobies and 2 for 10 months.
Thank you so much! I have spent a lot of time reading pages of old posts on the exclusive pumpers page - there were many frustrating hours in the NICU occupied by that! I have definitely tried weeks of 30 minute double pumping sessions with no real improvement. The only thing to make a positive impact has been power pumping sessions with 20/10/10 minute rounds. I guess the reality is that I'd be building a freezer stash still if I had only one baby. Based on Kelly Mom's info, my max storage capacity is around 200 mls, so unless I can double my current speed of lactogenesis, I won't see much improvement. :(
DeleteThe exclusove pumpers! Featured post is a great resource on everything pumping.
ReplyDeletePower pumping increases does take time to see results. Also since you delivered early, your output would be less than if you delivered at full term. Also your supply isn't regulated until 12 wpp for full term babies and even then you can always increase, it's just more difficult than the early hormone fueled weeks. Stress is also a major supply killer as well as lack of sleep.
You are probably using a medela Symphony pump. I'd suggest getting a spectra s1 pump to use when you want to be more mobile. I would loop a strap through the handle and sling the pump over my shoulder while i fed the kids, cooked dinner, ate, etc. Simple wishes makes an excellent pumping bra and the cose simple50 may still give you 50% off, although it's been a while since I've used it.
Lubricate your pumping flanges with coconut oil not lanolin. Apno cream is great to heal nipples. There's a diy recipe on the board. Soy Lecithin pills are your friends. Take one or 2 each time you pump to prevent clogs and mastitis.
I felt like a failure for not being able to nurse my 1st child. It took a very long time before i accepted that it wasn't my fault or his fault that nursing didn't work out. I also tried with the subsequent 3 kids with limited success before returning to exclusive pumping for all 3.
You can do it. Just take pumping one day at a time or even one pump at a time. Never quit on a bad day and you're a good mom no matter how you feed your kids. Mom guilt is so hard.
Btw your rainbows are beautiful!