Moot Point

My prior post focused on the decision to proceed with an attempt for a third. That glosses over the fact that at 40, with an AMH of .5 and IVF as our only option, our probability of having a live birth is probably in the 5-30% range. I am nothing if not a realist, so I know the entire debate over having a third or not could be entirely moot. Still a decision to proceed with IVF (or not) must be made now. If we're going to decide to stick with two kids, then there's no need to proceed with IVF. The end result of all of this is that I feel like I'm constantly putting the cart before the horse when talking about if we should have a third, since the chance is so low, while simultaneously feeling like it's in my best interest to have the cart sorted out before attempting to buy a horse!

My biggest concerns: Money. Physical misery associated with a new TAC/c-section/Asherman's surgeries. Messing up the awesome that is our current life.

DH's biggest concerns: Revisiting the trauma of more hospital time/medical procedures/late losses. Waiting longer to do things important to him, like travel and bike riding with the kids. Getting stuck in the fertility treatments/surgery/waiting loop we've been in for years in the past (this probably boils down to the first two). Disagreeing with me on how to spend money when finances become tighter with another kid.

People, including my therapist, have asked how I can consider the idea of going through the physical hell I've been through before, with TAC/HG/C-section. My only answer is that I've always been a long-game type of person. I'm betting that as hellish as the physical recovery will be, it'll be worth it in the long run to have another child. This morning, I asked T for a hug. She came running over and buried her head in my shoulder. That, right there, that's worth an awful lot of physical misery. So I think my cart is firmly on the 'let's try to get a horse' train. And I appreciate that if the horse doesn't come through, the ache won't be the same as it was before A&T. Now if I can just hold on to that perspective throughout the road ahead.