So, I think the corner is being turned, slowly. Or, as I told someone, I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m no longer hoping it’s a train.
In other news, it appears that I’m 1 DPO today. If CD1 comes on 11 DPO, then it will be 12/10. I am supposed to be on a trip back to SoCal to visit friends on 12/10. I fly back home 12/11. This means that if my period waits until 12/10, I will have to do a CD3 baseline on 12/12 or miss this cycle. If my period doesn’t wait, (I’ve had a lot of 9 day luteal phases) I’ll either have to fly back early and miss seeing one of my closest girlfriends, or skip another cycle. Choices to be made.
There’s another layer of choices, too, though. My boss called me last night to tell me about changes at my office. When I return, we’ll be announcing that she’s moving to a new job (awesome promotion for her) and I’m taking her role (awesome promotion for me). This means that taking off the morning of my first day back is not the best choice. But it’s necessary for baseline. Choices to be made.
If I put my career and cycling first, the simple answer is to cancel the trip. Then I’ll be here for baseline whenever CD1 comes, and I’ll be in the office when needed. I’ve put my career first for about 10 years, which is partly why I’m fortunate enough to have a great job and this promotion opportunity. These last two years, missing work for months due to health issues and not being fully “present” due to morning sickness, grief, and pain, have really done a number of my sense of career-related self-worth. That said, the last two years, meeting and saying goodbye to our daughters, have also done a number on my priorities.
I miss my girlfriends from Ca. I’d like to see them. When I was at my lowest back in January, I'd have given anything for the ability to get together with my two best girlfriends and just hang out. I wasn't well enough to do so back then.
Choices. Not easy ones, but choices. I feel so grateful to have these choices. To feel well enough to be able to consider the trip – up until yesterday I was figuring I’d have to cancel. To feel well enough to cycle again – that wasn’t a given, either. To work for an organization that, despite me missing an entire quarter of this year, and two months of last year, is still promoting me. I can assure you, my last company wouldn’t have done that.
I’m grateful for the choices, but it doesn’t mean that making them is any easier! Magic 8 ball time?
That’s wonderful news about the promotion! Congratulations! But that does suck about the timing. It’s hard because each choice brings a sacrifice and, hence, there really isn’t a right answer outside of what feels best to you.
ReplyDeleteI’m wondering if there’s a way to speak with your boss about delaying your return. Also speaking with your friends about cycling. And finally talking with your REs. Maybe a compromise can be worked out? Here’s hoping the answers are one that leave you feeling empowered.
Thank you! For various reasons, I have to be in the office to announce the change the morning of my scheduled return (out of state team members who will now be reporting to me will be present then and leaving shortly thereafter, so it's not fair to them to delay).
DeleteFortunately, my girlfriends are awesome and we're meeting earlier so I can be back home in time for baseline and not miss work. It's more $ for new plane tickets, but compared to the $4,000 of Gonal F that will expire this month if I don't use it, it's not so bad!
Empowered. . . I like that - that's a thought I'm hanging on to!