Options

What comes next?

As I sit and wait for this miscarriage to get going, I ponder what should come next. We'll do a regroup with our doctor, but I see a few options. Of course, our meeting with her could take many of these off the table, but knowing only what I know today, here are the six options I see.

1. Continue with OI/TI cycles.
Pros: My lining got better this cycle. I've gotten pregnant this way before. I respond just well enough to get pregnant each time. We make beautiful babies.
Cons: High chance of more losses. Cost of $3-5k per cycle, if I continue to have some med coverage. Time off work, appointments, ongoing stress and uncertainty.
Verdict: Strong possibility.

2. Consider surrogacy, either with own eggs (OE) or donor eggs (DE).
Pros: Living baby is a possibility!
Cons: Cost is too high. Surrogates loose babies, too. After nearly dying during the twins' delivery, I can't bring myself to allow another woman to take that risk on my behalf. Big honkin' note here: this is purely my own decision and I have MAD respect for both surrogates and intended parents. I cast absolutely no shade on anyone else who pursues surrogacy.
Verdict: Absolutely not an option.

3. Consider OE IVF.
Pros: Would PGS embryos to confirm that losses are not due to genetic issues. If I got pregnant, no terror of having to do a c-section if trisomy is discovered after 13 weeks. Genetically related to kid (given my genes, this might be a con for the kid.)
Cons: Cost. Unlikely to succeed, given severe DOR and crappy lining. People still miscarry PGS embryos. I would have to do a mock cycle before we even started to see if we could get my lining thick enough. That would add months, money, and reduce our chances further.
Verdict: Maybe, unlikely.

4. Consider DE IVF.
Pros: If we did this, we'd use AFCC, who has an >80% success rate (live birth). Genetic link to DH. Much more likely to succeed than OE IVF. No rush to figure out lining, since the eggs aren't aging along with me!
Cons: Cost 30-40k . Same lining issues as #3. 80% success is not 100% success - failure still very possible.
Verdict: Solid possibility if #1 continues to fail.

5. Adoption.
Pros: Live baby. No pregnancy risk to me or a baby.
Cons: The only option I can think of that would be more emotionally trying and uncertain than continuing to try ourselves.
Verdict: No. I'm not brave enough for this option.

6. Enjoy DINK life.
Pros: Money. Sleeping in. Alone time. Relative cleanliness of home. Fewer chores. No tantrums. Sleeping in. 100 mile bike rides in summer. Money.
Cons: Never getting to be a parent. Never feeling my baby move again. Never getting to see and help my own child to grow up.
Verdict: Extremely strong possibility.

Based on what Batcheller says, I lean toward #1 through the end of this year. Given my miscarriage rate, that's probably August, October and December cycles, at best. Then either #4 or #6 in 2019. Probably #6. If she says no to #1, then I'm not sure Perhaps we pursue 3, then 4 or 6. Perhaps just 6. If my lining can't get thick enough, then 6 is the only option.

When I created this blog, I picked the title 'Not My Lines Yet' because I was hopeful that someday they would be my lines. I am still hopeful, because even at my worst I'd prefer to be hopeful. But I acknowledge that this may someday be 'not my lines, ever.'