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When we cremated the girls, DH and I wrote each one a letter that was cremated with her. I realized today while I was taking a walk that I wanted to do the same for the six babies we didn't even get to cremate. Below is my note to them. I'll take this and write it out and burn it in our fireplace in another week or two. Perhaps that's odd, but it feels right.
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Hello my little ones. I never got to meet you, but for a brief time, I "knew" each of you. For the rest of my life, I will love you.
I know I mostly talk to your sisters, but that doesn't mean I don't think about you. I miss you, you know. When I see something beautiful or happy, I think about how much I want to share it with all of you. There is so much that I wanted for you, and it hurts that you'll never have any of it. You deserved far more than I could have given you, even if you were here. What you will have, always, is a place in my heart and my memory.
I don't know if I believe in religion, but I do know that each of you was alive, inside me, if only for a brief time. I think of you as little sparks. I imagine that your energy and your light isn't gone from the universe, only gone from my physical life. I like to think that all nine of my children, from my littlest to Quinn, somehow know each others' love, just as I hope you know mine.
Many adults worry that they won't leave behind a legacy. That they'll be forgotten when they're gone. I need you to know that you're not forgotten. You are with me every moment of every day. You remind me of good, and hope, and beauty.
You are loved.
You are free.
I hope you are at peace.
This is lovely. Something I do in my head too for my 7 that didn't make it. Continuing to send oceans of love.
ReplyDeleteOh, beautiful. This is such a gorgeous letter, so sweet and sad and perfect. Sending you love and wiping away tears.
ReplyDeleteI always meant to do this for my two, but never did. I'm glad you've done it. I love the term "little sparks." A friend of mine wrote a book about her lost babies, called "Little Sparks of Life" at least 15 years ago, and I always liked that term. Whether they made it or not, they were real to us, and will always be remembered and acknowledged.
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful. It's something I write in my head to my 2 that didn't make it. Lots of love.
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