Zoe Grace and Alexis Marie

I am someone’s mommy.

At 12 weeks, we had the CVS done that showed we were pregnant with two healthy girls. I spent the next five weeks in a state of joy, despite the horrible morning sickness and constantly feeling terrible. We shared with family and friends and we waited excitedly for March when we’d get to meet our girls.

Their names were Zoe Grace and Alexis Marie.

At 17 weeks exactly, Zoe’s water broke. The three of us held on together for one more week on home bedrest, in the worst agony of my life due to other complications. At 18 weeks, Alexis’s water broke as well and I went into labor.

Alexis Marie was born a few minutes before 8 am on November 7. DH and I got to hold her and tell her how much we loved her. Those minutes will always be some of the most important of my life. She was so beautiful and perfect and tiny.

When I had not delivered Zoe nearly 8 hours later, I was moved from Pitocin to cytotec. I started having convulsions, and was not entirely conscious when Zoe was born around 5 pm. I know DH held her up to me so I could say goodbye, but I have no memory of that. He tells me she was perfect, too. I believe him.

I started hemorrhaging after delivery and was taken to the OR for two rounds of emergency surgery. I lost about half of my blood volume, but the doctors were able to stabilize me and save my uterus.

Zoe Grace was 8 inches long and 6 ounces. Alexis Marie was 8 inches and 5.5 ounces. I love them both more than I thought possible and miss them more than I can say.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that these were my girls, I am their mommy, and I will always love them.