Highs and Lows

Our official anatomy scan was yesterday. We had an early one two and a half weeks ago at my request, since the anatomy scan milestone was a big one for me. The good news is that everything is still looking good with the babies. Hearts, brains, diaphragms, kidneys, arms, legs, nasal bones: all were within normal ranges. Both babies were beating up on each other the entire time - heaven help us if they keep that up! Lefty, our girl, is estimated at 10 oz, and Righty, our boy, at 9.

There was some less good news, too. Nothing downright scary yet, but less good. My cervix has shrunk from 4.9 to 3.8 in two and a half weeks. That means that the uterine irritability I've been feeling has been causing cervical changes. We're not to the place of worrying yet, but we'll keep monitoring. To be fair, I don't know what else we can do if we reach the point of worry (e.g., 2.5 or lower). I already have a TAC which is the gold standard, so anything else would be like trying to put a bandaid on a broken steel beam that's been welded back together: if the weld doesn't hold, the bandaid sure won't help. There's a great study that shows at 19 weeks, a cervical length between 3.5 and 4.0 is correlated with a 23-29% probability of delivery before 35 weeks in di/di twins. Once again, I knew that was likely anyhow, but I'm still hoping for 37.

We also found out that Righty has marginal cord insertion. While this could be nothing, it's correlated with a number of negative outcomes, like abruptions, pPROM, and growth restrictions. Those are scary words for anyone, especially someone with my history. Further, since Righty has measured behind his sister this entire time, and still is doing so, we'll be monitored a bit more closely for his growth.

So, high note: both babies look great and are moving up a storm.
Low note: As expected, my body is pretty shit at this 'being pregnant' stuff. Hopefully it can keep holding out long enough to keep them both safe.

One day at a time continues. Pictures below are Lefty first, followed by Righty. Very different profiles than Quinn had, although maybe that's just gestational age. For now, I'm guessing they'll look more like their Dad's side of the family than mine.

19 weeks!

19 weeks! Yes, the exclamation point is necessary. :)

18 weeks to go before mandatory eviction and only 5 to viability. I am so incredibly grateful. We'll see how my cervix is doing on Thursday, but I'll stay hopeful. Every day closer is a win and I don't take any of them for granted, despite the nausea, burping, heartburn, and uterine irritability. Grow, babies, grow!


How far? 19 weeks
Measuring? On track as of last ultrasound. All my u/s have show a gestational age that's a day behind what I thought. I finally figured it out - they're all calculated on my LMP, but I triggered on day 11, meaning ovulation at day 13 instead of the assumed day 14. I'm sure no one cares but me, but I'm not giving up that day in my own mind!
Size? Mangoes!
Heartbeat? We'll find out on Thursday.
Total weight gain/loss: Up 14 to 132. The rapid weight gain is scary for me as someone who has been overweight, and who worked hard to lose 40 pounds and stay in the healthy range for 10+ years. This is the first time I've been over 125 in 12 years (I set 125 as my 'do not pass go' weight to make sure I wouldn't go back to where I'd been), and it's tough mentally. I'm tracking calories and I'm not sure how I'm gaining so fast, but it's probably still good for the babies. I wonder if I have a GD diagnosis looming?
Maternity: Oh yeah!
Stretch: Nothing new yet.
Sleep: Nightmares. So many nightmares this week. 
Movements? Off and on. Ready and hoping for more on than off! Darn anterior placentas!
Cravings? No. Feeling really 'blech' when it comes to food.
Gender: One boy, one girl.
Miss? Wine. It's been nearly 3 years since I had more than a half-glass. DH opened wine for a Thanksgiving recipe, and I really missed the ability to have a (half) glass with him.
Looking forward to? Viability on New Year's Day. Getting to see them again at our comprehensive ultrasound on Thursday. 
Feeling? Burps, burps, burps . . . and heartburn! I've also managed to start walking on the treadmill again. I'm slow and I have terrible round ligament pain for the first mile, but I've actually done 3 miles for two days now, and I'm happy. Of course, in July before the HG, I was walking 5 around the lake in less than 90 minutes and now it takes almost an hour to do 3, but I'll be grateful for the three I can do!
Comparisons to last time? I'm farther along this time, and was sicker this time, so perhaps that's it, but with both Quinn and the twins, I was able to work out more by 15-16 weeks, and felt better when doing it. My body is just slower, my heart rate is much higher, and it's depressing this time. I guess twins, plus a 14 pound weight gain, will do that to you!

Here's 19 weeks - amazed and thrilled to be here!

18 weeks

I'm not a fan of 18 weeks. 18 weeks in 2016 was the day I went into labor. 18 weeks in 2017 was the day I started bleeding. 18 weeks is not my favorite gestational age. Yesterday was 18 weeks. Every week is another milestone, so that part is good, but this one is scary. I'm feeling better, I'm starting to work out again ever so gently. All of those things happened right before SHTF* in 2016 and 2017. I suspect it's just coincidence/gestational age, but . . . scary. So, celebrating each moment, here's my 18 week update, and I'm hoping there will be a cheery, SHTF-less 19 week update.


How far? 18 weeks
Measuring? On track as of last ultrasound
Size? Bell peppers
Heartbeat? My OB didn't give me the readings, but said both were great at my appointment.
Total weight gain/loss: Up 13 to 131. I'm happy with the number, but concerned that now I'm gaining too fast. I'm finally feeling well enough to eat normally again, so I'm back to higher protein, more veggies. It's a nice change.
Maternity: Very much so! I bought some new clothes, but I won't even open the bags until I've made it through 18 weeks.
Stretch marks: Nothing new yet.
Sleep: Still with the crazy dreams. Not loving that. Otherwise, no different from non-pregnant me: up every few hours to pee.
Movements? Definitely in the last several days. Or it's really bad gas. I think it's babies, though. With the anterior placentas, I can't feel them with my hand the way I could feel Quinn at 18 weeks, but I'm pretty sure the tappings are from them and not just my digestive system!
Cravings? No. Finally moving back to my more normal diet - seafood, veggies. Slightly higher carb and calorie than before, tho.
Gender: One boy, one girl.
Miss? I'm finally starting to feel better, and now that I've reached a point where I'm not 100% consumed by nausea, I miss working out. I'm walking again, but I'm slow, my flexibility is completely gone, and I can't do anything higher impact without getting my heart rate too high or violating the 'lift no more than 10 pounds' restrictions that I'm on.
Looking forward to? Viability on New Year's Day. Getting to week 19, and past the 18 week milestone. Getting to see them again at our comprehensive ultrasound next week. 
Feeling? This is getting better, as long as I stay on the Reglan. The nausea sometimes actually fades so much I don't notice it. The burps and heartburn are back with a vengeance (thanks, progesterone), but I can cope slightly better with those. The two days I tried to stop reglan saw me back to heavy nausea and retching, so I think I need to stay a bit longer.
Comparisons to last time? When I was hospitalized with Quinn, I would often feel my belly get hard, then soft. I was told it was uterine irritability. I have that same thing every single morning now. Hard belly when I first wake up and am lying in bed. Eventually it gets soft again. My doctor said a few times a day is safe, call in if it happens a few times an hour. The comparison to last time scares me. I need these babies to be ok. I need them to survive and be healthy. No other options are acceptable, and uterine irritation this early is just scary and a bad sign. Next cervical length check is over a week away.

Just for fun, here's a blurry 18 week bump photo. I'm having some body image issues, but I'm so glad the babies and I are growing!

*SHTF = Shit Hits the Fan

What to Expect When You're Managing Expectations

New Year's Day will be viability for these babies. It's so hard to know how to handle things between now and then. What do I mean by that? Well, do we live life like we're going to get to parent them, or not? For example, the cribs I want are on sale now. Do I buy them, or do I wait and pay full price next year? Do I pull the trigger on a substantial basement renovation, knowing that some changes only make sense if the babies are born healthy? We did a minor reno in 2016 to update a bathroom for Alexis and Zoe. We all know how that ended.

That's the practical. Let's talk about the emotional. Do I get excited that I'm going to get to parent a daughter and a son? Do I *believe* that we'll bring babies home? That is, in my heart of hearts, do I think these are babies I will get to know? I love them, I'm excited about their possible arrival. That said, I feel a caution that tells me I don't yet believe on a deep emotional level. That's not a conscious decision on my part, it's just happening and I'm not pressuring myself one way or the other.

I wish this was easier. I wish I knew what expect. Alternately, I wish I had the naive certainty I did when pregnant in 2016. DH actually signed that reno contract while I was in the hospital the day after my water broke. But we scoped down the work to only do what made sense whether or not we got to parent. Now . . . . no naive certainty and no option to scale down unless we delay to the point that I'd be coming home from the hospital with no place for babies or adults to sleep!

I suppose that gives me my answer: I won't pressure myself. We'll sign the contract on the reno, because the 20 year old carpet, mystery telephone booth (yes, our basement has a built in phone booth and no, it's not really a TARDIS), and 40 year old bathroom all could stand to be replaced or removed no matter what. I'll respect DH, who doesn't want to buy anything until 2019. I won't pressure him into other purchases that wouldn't be needed if things go poorly. Hopefully the end result will be two satisfied adults and two healthy babies.  Either way, our basement's going to look damn snazzy.

17 weeks

 I know I"ve been radio silent for a while. That's the impact of the HG, plus having family staying with us full time since mid October. Sitting at a computer heightened the nausea, so I didn't do it, and I can't type worth crap on an ipad, so there was no posting. Actually, based on my typos, I guess I can't type worth crap on a computer, so just assume it's worse via iPad! :)

The great news is that everything is going well. We had our Level II/III scan at 16.6 and my cervix was 4.99!! That was so long it didn't all fit on one (zoomed in) screen! Both babies had all the anatomy parts they should. I go back at 19.3 for the Comprehensive u/s, but no one is expecting anything problematic then. Some small part of me is starting to believe we might get to raise these babies. I'll include pictures at the very bottom.

how far along? 17 weeks
how are you measuring? Our girl, A, is measuring a few days ahead, and our boy, B is a few days behind.
size of baby? Pomegranate
heartbeat? 150s
total weight gain/loss? Up 10 to 128! I won't hit the 20 by 20 that perinatology wanted, but I"m not the zero gain I was for so long. Really grateful for that. Hopefully it will help them stay put and grow!
maternity clothes? Oh yeah. The belly is real.
stretch marks? Nothing new.
sleep? Better now that I"m off IV fluids. I'm still doing at least 2L of water a day, but not via IV at bedtime, so I can sleep for a few hours without needing to pee. It's nice. I'm still having awful dreams, constantly.
 movement? Yep! Light tappings and kicks/headbutts to the cervix. I don't feel them all the time, and it's still easy to mistake for gas, but it's nice.
food cravings? Nope.
gender ? One boy, one girl.
what i miss? Not feeling nausea 24/7. This just sucks. I miss enjoying life.
what i'm looking forward to? A few days off with DH at Thanksgiving.
comparisons to last pregnancy? My cervix is 4.99! I was 2-3 cm dilated at 18 weeks with Quinn and pPROM'd at 17 with the twins, so this is just unbelievably stellar. I don't want to get over excited, but I'm hopeful we'll make it to viability on New Years.

For anyone interested, here are a few profile shots from the scan.The first is our daughter, the second, our son.

12 weeks, v3

12 weeks

I realized that this is only the third pregnancy to reach 12 weeks, so I guess this is 12 weeks, v3. The last few days have been a huge roller coaster. Sunday morning I woke up to gushing blood, clots, and cramps. I know SCHs can cause that and everything can turn out ok, but I also know that doctor after doctor blamed my pPROM on bleeding. Monday we went in for an emergency ultrasound, and both babies looked perfect. A's placenta is close to my cervix, but otherwise there was no clear reason for bleeding on the u/s, and my cervix was over 3 cm.

While I was getting dressed again, the phone rang with the NIPT results. Low risk for T21, 18 and 13. That was a huge relief. For the first time, my guess was right: one boy, one girl. I am still scared. I will be scared every day until they're here, but this was the best news we could have gotten at the time. I have feelings about having a boy this time, but if these babies live and are healthy, I'll happily take any sexes at all!

how far along? 12 weeks
how are you measuring? Both were measuring over 12 weeks during yesterday's scan.
size of baby? Lime
heartbeat?  150/152
total weight gain/loss? At 118 still, so no gain. :(
maternity clothes? Switched over to maternity leggings, since I live in leggings during the winter. My growing belly is grateful for the room. Unfortunately, everyone seems to be sold out of leggings right now, expect Target, and I am not fond of their maternity leggings. So I have 2 functional pairs of pants. Eek!
stretch marks? Nothing new.
sleep?  Ok.
movement? Nope, and we discovered both babies have anterior placentas, so I don't expect it until late.
food cravings? I really wanted no-spice pad thai, and DH tried to get some for me but our usual place was closed and the alternate place just gave him plain noodles (no sauce) when he said it had to be gluten free. Better safe than sorry, but still sad.
gender ? One boy, one girl.
what i miss? Life without a perhiperhal IV. Being able to eat more than a few bites of food at once.
what i'm looking forward to? NT scan Thursday.
comparisons to last pregnancy? Never had this sort of heavy bleed in past pregnancies unless something was really wrong. After the gush, I had many hours of bloody mucus, which is exactly what I had each time I used the bathroom during my hospital stay with Quinn. The similarities were really tough. So glad there was no evidence of PPROM and both babies and my cervix all look good.

11 weeks, v4

11 weeks

Last week's scan went really well. Two babies, both moving up a storm. Perfect heart rates. The sonographer got video of them, and I've included some below. We are totally besotted. NIPT results should be back in a week or less and my next scan is at 12.2, which feels like forever away.

how far along? 11 weeks
how are you measuring? B was measuring a few days ahead at 10w4d when the scan was at 10.2. A was at 10w1d.
size of baby? Fig
heartbeat?  169/172
total weight gain/loss? At 118 still, so no gain. I'm keeping more calories down now, so I expect that to improve soon.
maternity clothes? Switched over to maternity leggings, since I live in leggings during the winter. My growing belly is grateful for the room.
stretch marks? Nothing new.
sleep?  I've been up once an hour to pee, which is unusual for me. Turns out I have a UTI. Now on antibiotics to treat it (just what my nausea needed!), so we'll see if I can get more sleep.
movement? Nope, and we discovered both babies have anterior placentas, so I don't expect it until late.
food cravings? No, unless I can claim that the Reese's PB cups I bought were a craving. :)
gender predictions? I've been wrong every other time, so why not now? I'll go back to our guess with our first set of twins: one boy, one girl. Really just praying both are euploid.
what i miss? Feeling human. Because I don't. I miss my life.
what i'm looking forward to? NIPT results. Because I need to know they're ok, or make decisions if not.
comparisons to last pregnancy? The nosebleeds have started again, so I do feel pregnant now! (That was a symptom throughout both previous pregnancies.) Feel rather silly to be the same weight but already in maternity tights. I know it was later last time, and much later the first time. I am trying to get more positive that we'll bring these babies home to raise, but it's really hard. I keep assuming something has gone wrong between scans, and the anterior placentas mean it's hard to find heartbeats on doppler.