For much of 2017, I saw a therapist who specialized in loss and pregnancy after loss. She was a loss mom herself, and it was helpful. By the start of 2018, I was in a place that wasn't great, but also wouldn't be improved by therapy. I'm an introspective person, I was already engaging in about as many self-care activities as I planned to, and there wasn't much new that a therapist could help with. I stopped going in January.
As we're approaching the DINK/donor decision, I felt that it would be beneficial to talk through my thoughts with someone removed from the choice. I feel like I have a very good grasp on the situation, the perspectives I'm bringing to it, the reasons behind them, and my choice points. That said, it would be nice to run that past someone to see if there's anything I've overlooked. I sent a text to my therapist in June to see if I could schedule with her. I never received a response.
Figuring that perhaps the silence was because it had been ~6 months since our last visit, I called the office. At first the woman on the other line told me that my therapist does her own scheduling, and I noted I'd tried that approach. After a few minutes, the woman informed me "Oh, she's in Germany for a year."
Germany. I guess that explains the radio silence. Her picture is still on the practice's website. She still shows up with my insurance. I half wonder if "Germany" is the code the practice uses when they have a loss/infertility patient whose therapist is visibly pregnant or on maternity leave. It's probably far less painful for the patient to hear 'Oh, your therapist is in Germany", than "Oh, you know how all your babies are dead and you can't seem to change that? Yeah, your therapist is happily pregnant and/or nursing her perfect, healthy newborn right now. Would you like to schedule with one of her colleagues who's old enough to no longer take trips to Germany?"
Now I'm hoping for some robust international travel of my own! Moreover, I'm hoping that if my therapist did want a second (living) baby, she's enjoying one now, be that in Germany or in Minnesota.
I love that your mind went to this option, because I would have had a similar response. That said, I kinda like this excuse. Even if it’s a lie, it’s a kind one that shows sensitivity.
ReplyDeleteMay you find someone to talk with who is just as sensitive
First of all, you're in Minnesota! Me too! (Did I say that on another one of your posts and never went back to look at your response?) And yeah... wow, it makes you wonder. I agree with Cristy, I think I would much rather believe that than hear a truth that she's pregnant. I hope you find someone else here soon. I think that's so smart of you to see someone to talk donor eggs over with. I know of someone whom I am actually thinking about seeing a few times before we do our FET and she is knowledgeable in donor eggs. Here is my email if you wanted to chat about this more. risakerslakewrites@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteNo, I didn't realize you were here, too! I will send you a note. Any recommendations for someone with donor egg experience would be appreciated.
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