Well Past Yet

In July of 2016, I had an 11 day luteal phase. When I went in for my first ever baseline ultrasound, I had an antral follicle count of 9. I was thrilled by that, it was low, but not horrible, given my AMH.

That cycle gave us our twins.

This July, I just had the first 11 day luteal phase I've had since July of 2016! They've all been 8-10 days since. And, best of all, my antral follicle count today was 9 again! I've been as low as 4 and only as high as 7 since 2016, so I'm overwhelmingly thrilled by 9.

I got the call confirming I can start, and I've done my Menopur, Gonal-F, Saizen, and doxy, and I'll do the estrace and sildenafil at bedtime with the first prednisone alongside breakfast tomorrow.

All the nurses I talked to today told me they, and Dr. B, really want to see things work for us. Perhaps that's because during today's ultrasound, when the nurse innocently asked me what I was doing this weekend, I told her it was the anniversay of Quinn's birth and passing. Perhaps it's just because they're all sick of me asking questions and following up when things don't seem right! I hope it works for us, too, so I'm writing a letter to the universe today:

Universe, I'm asking you very nicely, could you keep this cycle looking the same as our July 2016 cycle? I'd like it to be exactly the same, right up to 16 weeks, 6 days, and then a change would be good. 

I know that's a lot to ask, but Universe, you've thrown a lot at me in these two years. I've withstood it all, but now is the time for something good. And now is the time for that good to be lasting. If you want to throw something else at me, could it please be 'the terrible twos', in another two years, nine months? 

I know the top of this page says 'not my lines yet', but Universe, I'd really like you to know that 'yet' has come and gone, and it is definitely time for my lines. It's time for my babies to come home with me, alive and healthy. Please and thank you. 

Love, Me.

It Is Finished

I am a huge Broadway musical fan. I know pretty much every word to every Andrew Lloyd Weber, Boubil and Schonberg, and Wildhorn show, plus a good dozen more that no one has heard of (Jane Eyre, Chess, the Civil War, anyone?). When I'm super stressed, Jesus Christ Superstar is the one I play, specifically the song Gethsemane. It's a rock opera, and during that song, Jesus questions his fate. There is something about the lyrics, music, and cadence of that song, all combined, that perfectly captures what deep mental angst feels like to me. So I listen, way too loud, and it's relaxing. Weird, I know.

At the very end of the show, as Jesus is dying, one of the last lines he utters is "It is finished." Given my current state of mind, that sums up my 15 nights of stims pretty well. (Side note: Perhaps we need a rock opera about infertility? Heck, if one about chess could make a go of it, why not? ) My lining didn't improve after another day of stims, sildenafil, electro acupuncture, and estrace, although my E2 went through the roof. So we triggered yesterday. Now we wait. For the nerdy, this cycle's details are below, with some earlier cycles included as well for comparison. I got my full records from my clinic, and was able to correct errors in things I'd been verbally told about past cycles.

May 2018	AFC	6
	Stim Day	4	8	11	13	14	15
	L follies	5, 4.5, 3	3	3.5, 2.5	0	6.5	8
	R follies	5.5, 5, 4.5, 4	9.5, 9.5	14.5, 13	19.5, 18	19.5, 18.5	22.5, 20.5
	E2	725	252	348.9	812	2124	3119
	P4	<.05	<.05	<.05	0.17	0.29	0.38
	LH	1.32	0.51	0.73	0.99	1.42	1.26
	Lining	4.97 triple	5.2 triple	4.6 triple	5.48	6.71	6.7 heterogenous
	FSH	1100	2200	3100	3700	4000	4300
	Menopur	300	600	825	975	1050	1125

Older cycles

16-Jul Twins (3 CL cysts)	AFC	9
	Day	4	7	8
	L follies	12.5, 8, 8	19.5, 13.6, 7	22, 18, 7, 4
	R follies	11, 9, 8.5	16.5, 15, 10, 8	18, 16, 10, 8
	E2	803	1294	1690
	P4	2.68	1.66	2.59
	LH	8.24 miu	1.03	0.76
	Lining	6.9 triple	6.9 triple	7.3 triple, cystic patches
	FSH	600	1050	1200
	Menopur		0	0

17-Feb Quinn (2 CL cysts)	AFC	4
	Day	4	7	9	11
	L follies	6.5	9.5	11	14
	R follies	9.8	14.5	16.5	20.8
	E2		432	1027	-
	P4	<.05	<.05	0.12	-
	LH		1.15	1.15	-
	Lining	5.9 triple	7.0 triple	7.9 single	7.9 triple
	FSH	600	1275	1875	2475
	Menopur	0	0	0	0

18-Feb MC	AFC	5
	Day	4	6	8
	L follies	14, 11, 8.5	16, 13.5, 9.5	21.5, 17, 13.5, 6
	R follies	7,4	9	14.5, 9, 6.5
	E2	622	1023	1153
	P4	0.07	0.08	0.1
	LH	2.12	1.61	0.72
	Lining	5.7 triple	7.77 mixed	5.5 triple
	FSH	1100	1350	2200
	Menopur	300	450	600