Tuesday, September 18, 2018

9 weeks, take 4

9 weeks

I'm honestly not sure why I'm bothering with this post as I'm pretty certain the heartbeats will be gone by tomorrow. Every morning when I wake up, my stomach is flat, and I'm sure that didn't happen by 9 weeks in either of my last pregnancies that were still viable at 9 weeks. I can hope that it's due to the vomiting and the medications I'm taking, but hope is harder and harder to hold onto each day. Still, I'm going to fill this out. One last memory if things go bad, and a reminder to myself that it isn't always the end if things don't go bad.

how far along? 9 weeks
how are you measuring? Both babies were exactly on target at my last scan. A measured 7 weeks 1 day, b measured 7 weeks 2 days.
size of baby? table grape
heartbeat?  A 150 at 7.2. B was 124. 
total weight gain/loss? Nothing. Steady at 118, after losing two to start.  
maternity clothes? Nope. Since I'm off work, I"m mostly in pajamas, but no bump to speak of, only afternoon bloat. 
stretch marks? Nothing new.
sleep?  If I stop taking the Reglan for a day, when I start again, it knocks me out. I sleep for 2-3 hours after each dose. That's worn off now, so I'm awake most of the day, but the nausea is so bad that I often just lay down with my eyes shut. 
movement? Nope.
food cravings? No. Still vomiting on the regular. I can keep corn chex down more than most other things, only if it's with coconut milk. Yesterday's vomiting was so violent I burst capillaries in my face and eyes. I look marvelous. Is this the 'pregnancy glow' they speak of?
gender predictions? Not considering until I know there are still heartbeats. I've also been wrong every other time. 
what i miss? Not feeling constantly awful. Not being tethered to an IV pole. Going through a day without puking.
what i'm looking forward to? Nothing. Too scared about tomorrow's ultrasound to look forward. 
how are you feeling? Awful. So, so awful. Moving makes me vomit. Talking makes me vomit. When I eat, it just turns into ammo to be thrown up later 
comparisons to last pregnancy? Worried about the lack of morning bloat. Worried about everything. I know I was afraid last time, but not this afraid. My body  seems too similar to my blighted ovum pregnancy, although I didn't have vomiting with that. I wouldn't say I'm anxious, more resigned. If we still see heartbeats tomorrow, I may be able to be optimistic for a while.  

3 comments:

  1. Given everything, I understand why you don’t feel hopeful. But the beauty of this community is that in these dark hours, it becomes our job to help carry you. I’m sending you so much love, light and positivity so that you can focus on resting and preparing for what is ahead. Hoping is now our job.
    Sending love.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so, so much for this. That was what I needed - someone else to hold on to hope. I love them, but I can't believe this will have a different ending at this moment.

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  2. Good luck with your ultrasound! We’re all rooting for you!

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