I work in Learning & Development at a big company. This year we've really been pushing training on growth mindset. To oversimplify, this is about the idea that learning and growth should be valued over performance and perfection. The hallmark words of a growth mindset often include "yet", as in: "I can't do astrophysics, yet." The "yet" indicates that you're aware that you can learn it and will in the future.
I had a monitoring appointment today. For me, things looked pretty promising. I still have a decent cohort of follicles growing together. In reflecting on this news during the drive home, I thought: "Well, the news isn't bad, yet."
While it doesn't reflect a growth mindset, I really do feel like I'm just waiting for the bad news. Maybe it didn't come today. Maybe it won't come before retrieval. It's coming, though. It's odd, but I think only having one of five fertilize last cycle crushed me in a way I wasn't prepared for. I knew I wouldn't have many mature eggs. I knew any embryos would most likely be aneuploid. But a 20% fertilization rate? That I was not prepared for. To know that I actually managed to get five mature eggs. . five!. . . but it was all for nothing because four didn't fertilize, that's crushing.
So I sit here waiting for the next crushing blow. I'd guess I'll trigger Thursday or Friday. I guess I won't give up, yet.
It's SO hard, friend. You want to be positive (My mom had way more positivity to offer for us than I ever did in my seven embryo transfers), but it's so hard because you are very aware of everything that could go wrong (and that has gone wrong before). I am crossing my fingers for you for trigger coming up.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. It’s hard. Crossing everything and holding hope for you. 🤞🏼🙏🏼
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